Book Club: Oddly Normal

Oddly Normal, by John Schwartz, is a book about his experiences raising his son Joseph, who is gay. I read it with as open of a mind as I could, taking to heart that sexuality is not an identity, it's just a part of what makes up who you are. This book (cliche as it is) changed me.

The first disruption I had, ironically, doesn't have to do with LGBTQ people or culture. It has to do with pornography. Joe's parents didn't monitor their children's internet browsing, saying it would be "a fool's errand" to do so. This is completely bogus to me. Pornography is not a way of life. It is a poison that MUST be avoided. But it showed me that the Mormon culture regarding pornography is not the norm. Outside of this culture,  This is an implication for classrooms. The one specifically mentioned in the book is the idea of secrecy. Students' bad behavior could be because they are hiding a secret and have a feeling that someone is out to get them. This is a realm of things we haven't really talked about, but I know I need to become more educated on due to its prevalence in society before I can be an effective teacher.

Something that I was curious about, and will need to do more reading about, is the great privilege that the Schwartz family has. They had a completely unearned advantage that came from the fact that they have a lot of money, and are white English speakers. Due to this privilege, Joe had access to any and every service and support group, doctor and psychologist in the area. This has serious implications for teachers. Those who are of lower SES don't have access to all of these services. They may not have access to any support at all. As a teacher, I need to be that support. Every student is a child of God, and deserves love and support. When that support isn't a privilege, it needs to come from me. I can offer support by creating a safe space in the classroom and by reaching out with love. Like Dr. Draper's story about learning how to love people, we need to look inside ourselves. Joseph's teachers demonstrated perfectly that the way we treat people can make a huge difference. 

Another thing the book demonstrated perfectly was social and cultural capital. The cultural capital of the gay culture is very unique. When Joe wanted to dye his hair, that was a completely accepted thing within his culture, but in the locker room, the jock was bullying him. The bullying came because he didn't have the cultural capital, and so he didn't understand. Joe's parents didn't understand either, but his father John had the social capital that it took to understand. Whenever he had a question, he could go to his gay friend Brian (or any of the other gay people in his life) and ask questions. Brian served as a wonderful resource as John was raising Joseph, and there were many things (e.g. encouraging Joe to come out) that John did differently because of his friend's advice. This social capital is what John needed to acquire the cultural capital to understand his son and to communicate at the gay center in the city. As a teacher, I need to use my social capital. In fact, as I was reading this book and thinking about cultural and social capital, I actually contacted my gay friend Chad to ask what his recommendations for me as a future teacher might be. I am so glad that I have access to that social capital, because I clearly lack the cultural capital. I can learn how to understand my gay students better if I will seek out an understanding.

Something that really made me angry in the book was how bad the gender roles and expectations were hurting poor Joseph in school. The reason it bugged me so much was probably because those same gender roles and expectations have hurt my younger brothers because they were in gymnastics, theater and ballet. Just because the expectation is that boys will do sports as kids does NOT mean that those who don't play sports are gay. In the case of Joe, he was gay. But in the case of my brothers, they're not. These judgements are unacceptable. As teachers, we cannot allow these judgements. I keep thinking about the campfire example from one of the videos we watched. Not all kids know what a campfire is, and not all boys know how to play basketball. When bringing my students into class involvement, I can't expect my boys to group up and do a group project on basketball. It's important for me as a teacher to get to know my students so that I don't make any of those mistakes. Being involved in the school is more than going to the sports games, as well. There's theater, dance, choir, art shows, and more.

The last concept I will discuss is prejudice. The main prejudice that stuck out to me in the class was the preconceived notions of what a gay person will be like. This is the "fag" identity, and is a complete misconception. John's friend Brian mentions that he was concerned enough about being gay, and "thinking that gay = effeminate was another problem" (187). There isn't just one type of gay. When Joseph first goes to the gay center, John and his wife find out just how many different groups of gay people there were just at the center. John says that there were more than 300 different groups that met at the gay center...clearly not all gay people are effeminate! Some gay people even enjoy sports. Removing this prejudice and preconceived notion of what a gay person is going to be like from my classroom is going to have to start with me. The more I have read and the more gay people I have met, the more I have realized the diversity of this culture. I need to continue to do this. Then I have to translate this into my classroom. I can treat all of my students with pure love and respect, and recognize that my gay students are just the same as any other student. Again, being gay isn't an identity!

I really feel like John Schwartz was effective at communicating the struggles of being a gay child in a prejudiced world. Even though his family was very privileged, he did his research, and cited many studies and quoted many professionals saying what it might be for someone who isn't Joe. There will be LGBTQ students in my classroom, and I feel like Oddly Normal prepared me very well for how to teach these students when I am privileged to do so.

These notes are for reference and class discussion:

1. Points of disruption (uncomfortable, angry, curious):

-Pornography as an accepted part of life p.65

-What is the role of the school psychologist? The book talks about them as if they are responsible for communication regarding the kids they work with within the school. Is that their job? Is that betraying privacy? p.175

-Why aren't there enforcements of bad teachers refusing to comply with IEP regulations?

-Why is the gay-straight alliance dominated by girls? What can we do to encourage boys to join and attend? p.227

-Not all gay children are middle- upper-class, and as such don't have access to the same camps and therapists and doctors that Joe had.

-Why do I suddenly feel 100% pro gay marriage? I used to be fairly neutral on the subject, and could at least understand where the church was coming from. Now I really am having a hard time seeing it at all. 

-Middle School gay-straight alliances. The kids at this age are too young to be exposed to overtly sexual things, but isn't there some kind of GSA that could exist just to teach young children to love everyone? Diversity clubs sound like a great idea. p.178

-All children deserve a future. Minority stress 4 is that of internalized homophobia, or a fear of what homosexuality really entails because of what the media and society have instilled in them. This is such a tough one. In the church, we are going to teach that homosexuality is a sin because it is. There's nothing we can do to change that. But that doesn't mean that a gay person is less of a person. Then again, we teach that wickedness never was happiness, and then tell gay people that they can have happy lives. It's all just contradictory.

2. Book clarifies or provides examples form class:

-Cultural Capital: p.186-189

-Social Capital: All of John's gay friends that he could go to for advice. He used them for resources since he didn't have the cultural capital to understand the gay culture.

-Prejudice: preconceived notion that gay = effeminate. p.187

-Dr. Draper: "Maybe YOU are the problem." Looking at the impact that Joe's teachers made on him.

-Gender expectations: "Normal little boys like to play sports." p.30, Joe's parents putting away his Barbies because they were afraid that he would be labeled as different early on.

-Gender roles: p.30 Joe was expected to do well in gym, but he was very clumsy! 

-Privilege: the family is white and middle- to upper-class. Since language and money were not a barrier, they had access to all available services. This means that Joe had the most superior treatment that a gay teenager can have.

3. Book influences thinking as a teacher:

-Because I read this book, I have a significantly greater understanding of charity. 

-Not all gay children are going to have nice parents like Joseph did. I need to provide that love if they can't find it elsewhere.

-Working with parents is so important. Some parents are so involved with their children that they write a whole manual of how to take care of their child in class. Other parents aren't. But they've known their child for a lot longer than you have. Going to the parents to ask if behavior is abnormal or why a child is acting a certain way can be very helpful.

-A minority stress p.91 is prejudice events. These are small and almost go unnoticed. It's important to remember that sexual orientation should not affect learning. Become sensitive to these things so I can fix it.

-All children deserve to be loved. One benefit of that is so they can learn.

Minority Stress p.91

1. prejudice events

2. expectation of rejection and discrimination

3. concealment stress and hiding who you are (basically gay exclusive)

4. internalized homophobia, a fear or what their future might be